A Cold?

I have a cold in my nose.

My manager had pneumonia last week, walking pneumonia. She didn't know she was very ill until she coughed blood. Wow. She said the P.A. told her not to jog anymore until they cleared her. Apparently her difficulty exercising was not due to mere tiredness, but rather to her congested, BLEEDING LUNGS.

I have no such excuse.

I imagine calling in sick today, but really I don't feel that bad. I'm hoping this morphs into tuberculosis or something equally morbidly impressive. People could come visit me, gazing through my oxygen tent, at the hospital. I could press my hand to the plastic, to touch a hand on the other side. Actually, I don't know what an oxygen tent looks like.

I guess I just want attention. I want to know that people would be concerned and that they'd think I was strong for going through such a thing.

Having a cold is not much of a story.

On the other hand, many people I know have been ill or had some sort of surgery over the past two years. One friend died of lung cancer, refusing to quit smoking until her final day. Another friend died unexpectedly just before her next treatments for breast cancer. She did her best to live well daily until the afternoon she took her final nap. A third friend died after fighting cancer for a couple of years. During her last days her brain was being crowded by tumors. She seemed happier and less worried than I'd known her to be when well.

Among my friends and aquaintances there have been three hip replacements, various biopsies, two full hysterectomies, cancer treatments, acid peels, a breast reconstruction, a broken leg, self-starvation, Bi-Polar diagnoses, pregnancies - planned and not, births and deaths.

I have a cold.

I'm not good at being a caretaker, a nurse, but it seems that is my role, as the colds never progress into anything disturbing enough to earn attention. I should be grateful, I know, but that also is not my nature. I have to work at it - put it on like a piece of clothing. It never fits quite right, but it's something I need to wear more often. Maybe it will stretch out and be more comfortable at some point.

I have a cold. I need to get out of bed and go to work.