My friend Eddie Lopez used to tell me, in his slightly Texan accent, "Megan, you hate everything!" He was cute. Probably still is. Haven't seen him in years, but we chat online occasionally. He was just trying to make me see how negative I am. Was. Still am. Probably he wasn't trying to do anything but got sick of me telling him how much I hated this or that....
My ex-boyfriend hated a lot of things:
Tight shirt collars - bothered his neck.
Scratchy fabric - bothered his body.
Crayon wrappers - the paper around each crayon - he had to remove that before using the crayons.
Coral Reefs. There we were, sitting with other friends at a coffee shop and this peripheral acquaintance of one friend came over to tell us about his deep sea diving photography. He metioned various ocean creatures and fish, and coral reefs. He left. My ex said, with a shiver, "oooargh!!! Achchch! I hate coral reefs!" We all stared at him for a moment because he looked like he had bugs all over him or was going to vomit, and then we all laughed.
I asked, "How could you hate coral reefs? You've never been diving. Plus, how can you hate something like coral reefs?"
"They're just so scratchy!" he exclaimed, looking disgusted again.
There's no response for this. There's no convincing him to like coral reefs, or to want to touch an actual coral reef. I think he's responding to the scratchiness of those little dead pieces of coral that come with the touristy shell collections you can buy at beachside bodegas. Yes, those are scratchy.
My ex is a lot like Monk, the OCD detective on television. I hope he's gotten some help for this, because he was constantly tortured by his tics and dislikes and anxieties when we were together. Perhaps it was in response to me. How egocentric, Megan.
Things I hate....
Pretty, thin women who use their looks to get ahead
The men and others who fall for the shit of pretty, thin women
Cultural pressure to be a pretty, thin woman
Liver
Scratchy hotel sheets
Polyester hotel bedspreads
Hot, sunny, summer days
Not being a bazillionaire
My own laziness and lack of motivation
My OCD tendencies, which I'm not willing to explain here.
The dog poop in my backyard
The fact that dogs poop
The fact that I have to clean up after them
I dunno - there's more. I say that I 'hate' things, but I probably need to find a better word. Things make me feel stuff.
That's deep.
I hate not being closer to perfect.
I hate being hot (I'm referring to temperature). It's Summer. It's hot. I have yardwork to do. It's stinky and poopy in my backyard and I now have to get up and brave the sun and heat (with a lot of sunscreen) and start cleaning.
Woo hoo
I hate not having one of those mini bulldozer things to use to clean the yard.
Whatever, Megan. You hate everything!
Love ya, Eddie.
