I cannot believe I am still having this same conversation about Christmas, even though it's July. Here's the conversation as I remember it.
Bob: Are you doing any theater or anything?
Megan: No. I wanted to do Hamletmachine with Tom and Lisa McElroy, but I think Tom doesn't want to work with me anymore.
Bob: You mean after the Christmas fiasco?
Megan: Well, yes. But that wasn't really my fault.
Bob: I still can't believe you didn't write some sort of Anti-Christmas show....
Megan: Well - I would have liked that. I thought it was going to be some sort of spoof on Christmas. But Tom and Lisa really like Christmas. Which surprised me. I thought people who didn't really like much of anything about American culture certainly wouldn't like the whole Christmas thing.
Bob: No, Christmas is wonderful. A magical elf, coming to bring you things.... It's so much fun! You're missing out!
Megan: But, Bob, it's a Christian holiday. I'm not Christian.
Bob: You're missing the point. We don't celebrate it as a Christmas holiday. We're not Christians. In fact, none of the people I know who celebrate Christmas are Christians!
Megan: Well, they're not Muslims. Or Jews.
Bob: What?
Megan: Well, you don't see a bunch of Muslims celebrating Christmas, or Jews, if they're actually members of those religions. It's an exclusively Christian holiday. It's about Christ. Christ's name is even in the "title".
Bob: Well they're not Christians either. I don't think I even know anyone Christian.
Megan: I'm sure you do.
Bob: I can't imagine who, really.
Megan: All of the people I know who celebrate Christmas at least grew up in a Christian oriented household. It's a Christian-based holiday.
Bob: But you're missing the point. You're not listening. No one celebrates Christmas as a religious holiday...
Megan: What's the nativity scene about...?
Bob: You're not hearing what I'm saying...
Megan: No, you're not hearing what I'm saying. I'm telling you that only people who did NOT grow up in other religions like Judaism or Buddhism, or Hinduism, celebrate Christmas. In other words, Christians.
Bob: But it's not religious... You're projecting this because you've never felt the magic of...
Megan: Bob, I have to go. Honestly, my break is over. I just called to give you shit about the $100 piano.
Bob: Really, I'm not religious, my mother was Jewish.
Megan: Did she practice Judaism?
Bob: No
Megan: Did she celebrate Christmas?
Bob: Yes, of course...
Megan: Well, that's my point. If she'd practiced Judaism and not given in to Christian traditions you probably wouldn't have celebrated Christmas.
Bob: You're not listening to what I'm really saying. Anyone can celebrate Christmas.
Megan: Right, anyone who is Christian, atheist or agnostic. Anyone who identifies with another actual religion won't celebrate Christmas, usually.
Bob: You just don't understand - it's not about Christ - it's about the magical elf in Moore's poem.
Megan: What "Moore" are you referring to? Thomas?
Bob: What? I don't know his first name. The guy who wrote, "Night before Christmas". The magical elf, and sugarplums and presents. That's what modern day Christmas is all about.
Megan: It's still a Christian holiday, Bob. It's based on Christian ideals, including the baby Jesus thing, and other religions don't celebrate it. I really have to go back to work. I'm done. I can't believe we're talking about this again.
Bob: Ok, bye. (hangs up).
Megan: Bye.
It's a Christian holiday. It's called CHRISTmas for Jesus' sake, literally.
