Blow-By-Blow Service at New Life Church

Heheheheh - blow-by-blow - get it?

New Life Church has blessed us this morning with a live-feed of their service. My wife and I are watching their mesmerizing, horrifying indoctrination of the children present at the service, and the idiots who believe this crap. Basically, in my not so humble opinion, the New Life congregation is made up of people who either can't or don't want to think for themselves. Being a member of NewLife and the other mega-churches absolves one of all responsibility for self-determination.

The main pastor on stage today reminds me of the gay men I went to college with - in the theater department at NYU. Not everyone can make it on Broadway or in Hollywood. Jesus, we just thank you today for the musical and theatrical opportunities you have provided for the actors in our fold.

OK - one of the pastors on stage just said, during his introduction and explanation of why he's in Colorado Springs today, "I was jerked off a treadmill...". They just can't help it. Satan lures them and puts dicks in their mouths... oops, I mean, words in their mouths and treachery in their hearts. Jerked off. Ooops. Freudian slip.

There are thousands of people watching this service either to support the church in its time of need, or to watch in horror the cult-like followers, swaying, hands in the air. What's the difference between this and the Moonies? What's the difference between the New Life congregation and the followers of Hitler, or Jim Jones, or David Koresh?

The guy just called New Life a "non-denominational" church. I need a dictionary. I thought non-denominational meant that it would be inclusive of all religions. I don't see them welcoming Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, Hindus or Satanists in to worship the energies that rule the universe.

From www.dictionary.com:
American Heritage Dictionary
non·de·nom·i·na·tion·al (nnd-nm-nsh-nl) adj.
Not restricted to or associated with a religious denomination.
The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth EditionCopyright © 2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company.Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.WordNet

non-denominational
nondenominational adj : not restricted to a particular religious denomination; "a nondenominational church"
WordNet ® 2.0, © 2003 Princeton University

Denomination
1. a religious group, usually including many local churches, often larger than a sect: the Lutheran denomination.
2. one of the grades or degrees in a series of designations of quantity, value, measure, weight, etc.: He paid $500 in bills of small denomination.
3. a name or designation, esp. one for a class of things.
4. a class or kind of persons or things distinguished by a specific name.
5. the act of naming or designating a person or thing.
[Origin: 1350–1400; ME denominacioun <>denominate) + -iōn- -ion]
Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.0.1)Based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2006.

Basically, the letter Haggard wrote in apology to his congregation states that he's been struggling against the horrible, evil part of himself all his life. He says he needs to be lovingly counselled, disciplined and corrected. LIKE ALL GOD-FORSAKEN HOMOS (my interpretation of what his letter really means). He says that by his example we can all learn how the sick and disheartened may be healed. WE CAN FIX THOSE SINNING HOMOS - AND I'LL SHOW YOU HOW!!! Ugh. He's horrible.

Haggard's wife wrote a letter too, to state and reinforce her love for Ted. I wonder if Ted's as good in bed with Gail as he was with his gay masseur. A lot of housewives do meth to lose weight and stay on top of all their wifely duties. Hmmm. She's a busy woman. Maybe she just needs a little extra impetus some mornings. Plus it's supposed to be great for your sex life. Or somethin'.

Enough for now. I have to do real life things, like get dressed, buy groceries, pay some bills. Too bad I'm not a better actress. I coulda made a fortune singing Christian songs and fooling my followers. Maybe it's not too late.