Writing Intentionally

Perhaps if I had written more before now there would be fewer thoughts swirling in my head, thus making writing a simpler task. For me, the most difficult part of writing is choosing a topic. Before that the most difficult part is the discipline it takes to regularly write. It's easy to lay in bed and think about future chapters of a non-existent book. It's difficult to stop and record those ideas somewhere. And - in a moment - the ideas are gone. Sure they're replaced by new ones the next time I'm doing some repetetive task, or avoiding thinking about bills or something. Grandiosity = thinking I could write a book when so far the only writing samples are pages and pages of decades of self-indulgent journalling. Someday maybe I'll go through them and pick out the good parts - throw the bad writing away.

Then again, the minute I take the time and discipline to sit and type or write or work out a new song or pursue some creative task, I have something to work with. It's the starting that's hard for me. Getting started.

Once, near the end of a relationship, I went to do laundry, having saved up six or seven loads. I dragged all the laundry baskets into my car and drove to the nearest clean laundrymat. There's a tiny, run-down place near my house, but it always looks seedy to me. And there's no comfortable seating. I'd rather pay more and go to the big, shiny, clean place, farther away. They even have televisions hanging from the ceiling, each one showing something different, playing quietly, with subtitles that can be read in spite of the machine-song.

Having a few hours of free time while the washing-robot worked I wrote songs about my strained relationship. I wrote three songs which all "worked". The words were already waiting for me to write them down. My constant spiraling thoughts about love and not-love had already organized themselves into something useful. My songs told the truth about my commitment, my shifting attention... intention. We broke up the following month.

I just need to write, create opportunities to write, have the intention to write and follow that with action. Blah, blah, blah. How many times have I thought and said and written this exact thing? Maybe I'm feeling more committed because another birthday is around the bend. I'll be one year away from another decade next week. 39 years old. But that's a topic for another time.

Later.